Oneheart

I just took my 1st paper a couple of hours back.

I shan’t say which module it is, b’cos I’ve an over-dose of studying this module that just the tot of it will make me puke.

I mugged crazily last night like it would be the end of the world for me if I dun pass this paper. Think I clocked around 10 hours for revision and I only slpt for 2hours, partly b’cos of insomia and mainly b’cos time is too precious.

Simply forgot when’s the last time i mugged like this.

And I realized I actually enjoy mugging, or more specifically, i enjoy the fight. It’s like fighting for the last hope when you’re standing on a line of either you do it or you die. It’s a battle of choices last night, between 1) sabotaging myself unintentionally by not studying due of my fear of not being able to do well, and 2) fighting my fears, giving it my all and accepting the worst scenario, come what may.

I’m glad I chose the higher path.

What I learnt: Consultation with prof slightly before the exams is crucial!

PS: I’m so grateful to my prof. *touched*

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4 more papers to go! JIA YOU!!!

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I’m mugging for my Finance exam in school, and I stumbled upon this interesting quote:

"October. This is one of the
peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are
July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December,
August, and February."
Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson, 1894

If you get the joke, good for you! I’ve got someone to share my laughter with.

If you don’t, "it doesn’t matter."

Hahahaha……… this is a super duper funny stock joke. Maybe I should share it with my prof.

ROFTL!

I was suddenly hit by a realization today.

I used to blame 3 guys for certain patterns they were running in my relationship with them.

I just realized today that I’m running the same patterns that I used to blame the 3 guys for, in my current relationship.

OMG!!!!!! What a terrible realization it is!

Now I hafta figure out a way to get out of this 3 patterns.

For now, I’m fully conscious that I’m stuck with my stuckness. And this sucks.

Moral of the story: Never blame someone over their way of dealing with things. The moment you blame them, you have given your power/control away. And soon you’ll realize you’re running the very same pattern that you once denied strongly. This can be relate back to the Law of Attraction.

I am super sian and i can’t wait for the hols to come.

Actually I’m enjoying my anticipation that it doesn’t matter whether it comes or not.

I’m into self-contradiction but it doesn’t matter so long as i understand my contradiction.

I’m hooked on death note anime and keep wondering why hasn’t anyone post the latest episode on youtube yet. Darn!

I’m supposed to study and mug like it’s gonna be the end of the world for me if i dun do well in my exams, instead of watching videos.

I’m in sch supposed to execute my great study plans instead of planning to study.

I’m supposed to blog about how much i’ve studied and not why i’m still not studying.

This is so crap. I dun even know why i’m blogging this and it sure feels like a trashy blog entry.

But, like my Finance famous M&M theorem,

"It doesn’t matter".

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Weird video

Alright, i just ended watching a video (instead of studying, yes) that an online acquaintance sent me.

http://www.dumpalink.com/media/1148029464/Lost_Reality…_He_Said_She_Said

It’s about a few bachelors wooing after this lady, and everyone wondered why is there something alluring or mystic about this lady that they couldn’t put their finger on.

The twist of the story came when the guys finally realized she was a guy, with a penis.

PS: Dun ask me why that person send me this video clip. Gosh! Anyway it’s supposed to be funny.

PPS: I actually agreed with the last statement made in the video.
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Relationship

Some ppl just dun get it no matter how many times you explain yourself.

In conclusion, it doesn’t matter whether you explain or dun explain yourself. What he/she wants is not your answer. He/she wants to hear "the answer" that he/she wants.

>_<

Had an eventful saturday.

Can you believe I bumped into 3 ECI ppl?

First, I bumped into Joan in sch (hahaha… that’s counted too since it’s a sat and logically speaking i shouldn’t see her in sch)

Next, I bumped into Sol (recent TCC grad) while I was having dinner with Dianna, DZ,Peiyi and SW at CItyhall. What a coincidence! So he joined us for dinner…

And after dinner, I went bugis with SW, and guess what?!? We bumped into Rosli!!!

3 ECI ppl in a day… hmm… it feels like the whole of singapore is swarmed with conscious ppl suddenly. Hahaha…

Oh Oh oh……… Rosli, SW and I played at the fountain in front of Parco bugis junction!!! Whoopey!!! This is the 2nd time this month I played at the fountain there.

And the 2nd time is so much better than the 1st! ‘cos my 1st experience was tainted with a slight embarrassment of public display of craziness. But this time round, I was truly being with my incredible experience! As we were having so much fun, i forgot there were ppl watching us.

I stood in the middle of the fountain, spread my arms wide, let the water pour down on me and washed away all exams anxiety.
I ran around the whole fountain in clockwise, den anti-clockwise, zig-zag, and in random directions. I flirted with the water, was drenched unexpectedly by sudden spurts of water, and allowed the water to seduce me.

We had so much fun that we attracted other ppl (no more kids’ playground!) to join us playing at the fountain. What a strange way to acquaint with total strangers! But yet, at that instant, our hearts connect magically and our backgrounds do not matter. What matters at that juncture is being present to our experience of craziness and letting go of social restrictions.

Yup… we were super cold and wet. But who cares lah… we only live once, if my clothes hafta get wet, so be it. After that, SW and I headed to bugis village for hot cheng teng to warm our bods. *shiok*

Sigh… just when life got the better of me and i was bogged down with deadlines and exams anxiety, i was reminded of expressing my love for myself in little ways. *sob sob*

Life’s great.

And I’m going to do more crazy things.

What’s my next adventure? Hmm…

Bitching Moaning and Whining (BMW)

It’s week 12 and I realized I haven’t been bitching much this sem.

And I feel like doing that now, only that I shall vent all my angst in ONE Sentence:

Exams and deadlines- Be Gone Quick, and I want my hols to come now!!!

My Inner Conversations

Our greatest enemy is ourselves. We battle with ourselves constantly. And sometimes the inner battle can take the toll on me.

It’s gonna be our 3rd month tmr. No, I dun think time flies. It sure felt like eternity albeit it’s only 3 months. There isn’t any moment when I didn’t have to battle with my "Child of Dark". Ever single moment, I hafta wrestle with the conversation of giving up the relationship. And the worst attack the Child of Dark would spring on me is when I’ve limited capacity, space and energy to accomodate conversations like this, like this period for instance. Sneaky little fella it is, that Child of Dark.

To Child of Dark: Stop fighting me all the time. I dun need you to agree with me, but at least accept my choice. And for goodness sake, shut up and f*ck off.

Child of Light: I made my choice.

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Finance 101

Today is my Finance’s last lesson. I’m so gonna miss the jokes and laughter, and the prof. *sob*

And I’ll definitely remember this Finance joke for a long time to come…

Qns: How is finance term IRR (Internal rate of returns) has anything to do with a dog?

Ans: When you say "IRR" fast enough, it sounds like a dog’s barking.

Hahahahaha…. *pengz*

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Only 3 weeks left… CHIONG AH!!!!!!

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What truly matters

Work like you dun need the money
Love like you’ll never get hurt
Dance like no one’s watching
Sing like no one’s listening
Live like it’s Heaven on Earth.

(My version below)

Work like money is just a tool
Love like the more you give the more you have
Dance like you just experience another miracle
Sing like you’re the best singer on earth
Live like Heaven and Earth are aligned as one.

I’ve always wanted to do something crazy, like playing at the fountain in front of Parco Bugis Junction. I’ve always envied those kids playing with the water and dancing like the world revolves around them.
As we grow older, we become subjected to social restrictions. We become the slaves of others’ judgements. We care too much about what ppl think of us and we stopped doing crazy things. We forgot that we only live once, and what truly matters to us. We forgot how to fight for what truly matters to us, and instead, sabotage our own dreams by succumbing to our self-doubts and pride.

Anyway, I once wrote down in my wishlist that I’ll like to play at the fountain.

I finally did, with my dearest "banana man" last sat.

It was cool beyond words. I wan2 do fulfill other wishes as well.
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Seeking solace in my hermitage.

And I love it so much that I dun wanta come out.

Maybe I really enjoy my alone-ness. Whatever. Maybe it’s just one of those days.
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I can’t stand it when I watched history repeat itself again.

I must do something about it this time.

This is so crap.

Argh!!!

And i’m too lazy to bitch abt it.

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