Oneheart

Just reached home not too long ago from an unforgettable 21st b’day party.  *stunned* Here’s my thanksgiving:

An Xin: Thanks for co-organizing the party with me. W/o you, the party wouldn’t have been a great success. Thanks for taking so much trouble getting the prizes and doing the decorations. *hugz*

Hung: Thanks for the bee hoon and cd-player… And not to forget, thanks for being my game facilitator! You’re really a great guy! *hugz* =)

Mei n Lin: Thanks for the 2 meaningful books- "The Alchemist" and "The Lady who was Beautiful Inside". Very meaningful books… Very very meaningful… THANK YOU! =)

Teng Nging: Thanks for the 2 presents from body shop. It’s the kind of presents that I would appreciate but can’t bear to splurge on myself. THANK YOU!

Adrian n Yiling: Thanks for the 2 scarfs n your delicious beancurd chicken. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. =)   

Dianna, Peiyi, Daizhong: Your super-generous $100 Royal Sporting House Vouchers make me feel super guilty for even suggesting it in the 1st place. Think you guys really spent a bomb on the food too. Really dunno what to say… I will put your vouchers to good use. THANK YOU for everything you’ve done for me. I really appreciate them all. You guys are simply wonderful. *speechless*

Er mei n Xiaomei: I was really surprised when you brought the sushi and sandwiches, on top of the b’day cake. I feel paiseh leh… But I’m really touched. Thanks for everything you gals have done for me. Especially instinctively following me outside of the room just now when I was feeling down. Thanks for consoling me. *sniffs* THANK YOU! *muacks*

Sisters n Sec sch buddies: Thanks for the lovely presents- earrings, almond roca, organizer, lingerie set (cough), green sweater, key pendant, Burberry Brit eau de toilette, cake n b’day card. Did I miss out anything? WOAH… THANK YOU!

Germaine: Thanks for the orange harmonica necklace from The Better Toy Store that I’ve been eyeing for qte some time. But besides that, the one thing I really wanta acknowledge is you enjoying yourself and staying for the entire party. Only both of us know how tiring socializing can get. *winks* You really are a great buddy of mine! Please help me thank your sister too, for her meaningful and heart-warming msg. I appreciate it alot. =)

Clement: For that meaningful cd that you painstakingly put together for me, THANK YOU! Gosh… I really really like it alot!!! Very very meaningful n unforgettable present. You really have a v good voice n noe how to play the guitar really well. =) On top of that, thanks for staying through the entire party. You dunno how much I appreciate that. =)

Rosli: Thanks for the inspiring book n hand-made card. It’s really special and I thought the msg on "sunshine kid" was very apt! =P I like it alot!!! THANK YOU! =)

Xing Jian: For staying up till 5am in the morning to bake those brownies, as well as helping me with the nuggets, THANK YOU!!! *hugz* Pity we’ve got no time to play your game though.

Gerard: THANKS for being such a great game master, and for the food! Thanks for being so thoughtful. =)

Alex: I had tons of fun playing your game. I’m sure my frens enjoyed themselves too! Thanks for being such a fantastic facilitator. Thumbs up for you! =)

Esther: Thanks for gracing the occasion! Really, you dun hafta get me any present… ‘cos you enjoying yourself at the party will make me happy. Really. =)

Kelvin: I’m simply amused by you. Hahaha… Thanks for helping yourself with the food, and having so much fun!I cannot believe you actually joined in the games! You’re a real DELIGHT! Thanks for dropping by. Hee~ *hugz*

Tan Yun n Jude: For braving the rain and coming all the way down to my party, a BIG THANK YOU to you! I noe how much you treasure our friendship. I really do. =) And Thanks for the Hugo Boss woman fragrance. Gosh… Very nice leh… You’ve got good taste!!! =)

I had a great time. Hope you guys have enjoyed yourself too. Gosh… i’m 21 already! Still find it hard to believe. >_<

With gratitude,
The Cub

Just reached home not too long ago from Fullerton’s Choc Buffet. It was a great experience!

This is one of my best guy friends- Xing Jian. He treated me to the choc buffet. So nice of him!

Yah, and that’s me with my new hairdo and specs. Heh~

On the left, you’ll see the 1st serving I have had- Swiss choc roll with peach, one piece of dark choc, one small glass of cognac choc, and one small piece of 3-layered choc cake.
The 2nd serving I took is shown on the right. I had bread pudding, mango choc tart, and smt. from the choc fountain. Looks to me like fondue, but Jian said it isn’t. Hmm…

After the second serving of choc, I realized it’s a tad too much for me. So I tried the Super Nice Grape Soup, and more fruits and mashmellows. Guess I’m really not into chocs. In fact, I felt like I’ve got an overdose of chocs after my 2nd serving.

On the left, you see a shot of 70% bitter -sweet cocoa essence. Wah… After drinking that, I suffered from mild caffeine-high syndrome. And it doesn’t help that I drank at least 6 cups of tea. I felt a tad "blairr" on my journey way home. Guess I really have had an overdose of choc. My fave part of the meal is this dessert wine, as shown on the right. Super Sweet! Very very nice! Yummy!

Overall, I really enjoyed my 3-hour long choc buffet. The ambience’s really nice- the hotel’s classy n the service was good, and I really get to TASTE the CHOCOLATE, instead of munching the choc or smt? =P Hmm… it cost us $90~ for 2 pax can? So ex… I feel the pinch for Jian… ouch… but that’s what frens are for huh? Heh…

The dragon on the left is made entirely out of dark choc- I was super Impressed!!!

On the right, you see a round table filled with assortments of choc cakes, puddings, chocs, chocs and more chocs. Need I say more? Forgot to take photo on the HIGHLIGHT of the Place- The Choc Fountain!!! Awww…

Yah, the resolution’s not good enough, I noe. But this pic shows two ladies- One playing the cello, the other playing the violin. Awwww….. Indulging in the music!

That’s the night view of esplanade as we walked along the overhead bridge. It’s awesome!!! On the right, you see alot of balls floating on the river, and the flash lights create different colours and effects on the balls. Hmm… it’s Nice lah… you should just pop by esplanade one of these nights and check them out yourself.

In short, I have had a lot of fun- was awed by the night view, impressed by the ambience, amazed by the assortments of chocs, enjoyed the catching-up, loved the dessert wine, tasted the chocs, suffered from mild caffeine-high, and indulged in my memory of my 1st experience of a choc buffet.

I had a super lazy day today.

I can’t recall when’s the last time I actually spent time with myself. It seems like some donkey years ago. So that’s what I did today- Spent the entire day with myself, by myself, and for myself. COOL! It really is a great way to spend the holidays- away from those email spams, lugging my heavy laptop around, worrying about tmr’s deadline, planning what to do next week, checking my watch to make sure I’m not ridiculously late… blah blah blah…

MY SPA TALE

Went to SPA this afternoon… and smt amazing cropped up… hehehe…. Here’s the story:

I was there resting on the nice, comfy bed, doing my facial, as my beautician shared her life story with me. She told me the number of siblings she has and how she thinks her fifth brother is so good-looking. She talked about her second brother whom just graduated from an Austrialian university and just started working. The funny thing is- she wanted to match-make both of us!!! She asked me whether I’m attached and got my number!!! eeuii…(-_-;) hmph… tt’s not all… she told me about her bf, and their future plans. She even told me about her philosophy on education, and how she got landed in this job.

Really lor… I din even ask her to share… >_< gosh… do I really need to hear all these?!? I just wanted to do my facial lor! Either she’s starved for conversation, or that she really like me alot. Hmph… i dunno… But each time smt like this happened to me, it always make me curious how cum I can’t seem to get CCI’s assignment 2, Building Trust, right. What did I do right this time? Hmm…

Anyway, I was in a gd mood, so I chatted along. The amazing thing is- She wanted me to teach her Conversational English!!! *stunned* Den we haggled over the tuition rate. I dunno how serious is she in taking english, but if she really is… I dun mind teaching her in exchange for FACIAL treatments. Hehehe… heh~ =P

*stunned*

As for the message, nothing’s new. It’s still a fantastic experience. Nice! However, I still dun get this- why on earth did they give that paper g-string (it sure looks like one) for?!? DUH… what can you cover with that??? HAHAHA….. ROTFL (roll on the floor laughing)…… really lor… it doesn’t make any difference. >_<

A Radical Haircut

Okay… after SPA, I head for the salon. OMG…. my hair cut is so RADICAL!!! It was so different that I couldn’t accept it initially. However, on second tot, it’s SO ME! It’s Funkily feminine, and feminine-ly cool… I like it! (actually I dun have much of a choice right? The damage is done. HAHA)

However, both my MUM and Brother disagree with that~!!! =(  My Bro actually suggested I should wear a cap when I go out! >_< How irritating brothers can get? Lol~

What’s the problem with everyone?!? First I got a pair of WHITE SPECS and alot of ppl. couldn’t accept it. They were too taken aback. You should look at my DAD’s reaction- He gave me that disgusted look and an entire lecture on how spectacles should look like.  ". . ."
Now’s my hair… c’mon lah… gimme a break…

Just tot you might wanta noe, I happen to really like my specs and new haircut. If you’re not cool enough to accept changes, that’s really your problem. Go deal with it.
Nope, dun get me wrong- I’m not angry…. I’m just highly amused!

It might interest you- I’ve changed my pair of WHITE SPECS to a BLACK ONE. But nope, I’m not going to change my hair… until the end of summer holidays. Sorry about that.

I’m still amused. Hahaha…

I cannot stand this anymore!!! There’s so much pent-up energy in me right now, that I simply must release!!! Can the hols end sooner?!? Yah, I must be crazy, but the lunatic machine is running itself. And now that there’s no deadlines to meet, I super dunno wad else I can do. Please dun ask me clear more clutters- It’ll just make me super productive and set me in a self-driven motion that I can’t stop. Argh! I feel so disgusted. It’s like you noe you hafta slp now, but you can’t ‘cos you’re too "high". You noe you wanta do something, but you shouldn’t. I’m suffering from my emotional extremes… HOW??? Does anyone have remedy? sigh… and for me to NOT be able to SLEEP… tt’s terrible… >_<

HOW?!? HOW?!? HOW?!?

Raring to GO…BUT Chiong where? Siao liao lah…

And i actually finished washing all the clothes this evening!!! It doesn’t help lor. I want to slp… Boohoo… >_<

Alright… think I better dun waste this rare burst of energy…I’ll do smt and deplete it, hopefully… CHOP CHOP CHOP…

I had a great X’mas celebration this year! =)

X’MAS EVE

I caught Chronicles of Narnia on x’mas eve. So thoughtful of my fren to book the tickets in advance; b’cos it was a huge sell-out! For those who have yet to catch the show, be sure to catch it before the season ends! It’s MAGICAL!!! And since I’ve not read any of C.S.Lewis’s books before, I’ve got no expectations on the show, so it was a great experience for me. Plus, King Peter’s awwwwwwwww…….. so CUTE!!! I thought he was the younger version of Brad Pitt. Albeit lacking the airs of royalty, he’s still one character you must check out! Awww….Oh, I like Princess Lucy too! I think she’s ADORABLE and CHEEKY! heh… =P

After the movie, I had to squeeze into the crowd to get to another end of orchard road. On normal days, I would have expressed my displeasure. But I actually enjoyed  walking down orchard road and admiring the lights that night. However, I found myself a victim of those spray cans!!! By the time I reached the other end of Orchard, I was literally covered in "snow" >_< Shall upload the photos I took that night soon! Heh…

X’MAS

Went shopping with my family. It was really great spending time with them. =) Bought a new top that I’ll be wearing on my b’day. Although it’s a simple shirt, it’s something that I’ve always wanted. So… hehehe…….. I can’t wait!!!

BOXING DAY

Will be a lazy day today… I intend to do nothing and indulge in intellectual musturbation. oops… sound so crude. =P Will be going sch later in the evening. Great… finally things are moving for me! I totally look forward to Year 2006. It’s gonna be a perfect year! What with that 3-year-old pact I made to myself, will finally be released. Shall look forward to a new lease of life, regain back the spirit I once have had, release my pent-up energy to pursue my Personal Legend, and the most important of all- to FULLY LIVE AND FULLY LOVE!

IN RETROSPECT

Year 2005 has been the most happening year of my life, especially pertaining to romantic relationships. Gosh… so much things happened in a year!!! I still find it hard to believe, but really, it’s too much for me to handle. I just want a peaceful 2006. I really do.

Finally, that chapter is closed. All the voices in my head are finally in aligned with one another. They are all at peace. At this point, my quote comes in handy, "Problems dun last, Yixin does!" Yea… shan’t deceive myself that there’s no sadness. Still a tad left of ‘cos, but really, I’ve got no regrets!!! And I believe I’ve got what it takes to FULLY LIVE and FULLY LOVE. Come what may. =)

As for personal growth, gosh… I think i GREW alot this year! I had alot of emotional discharge too, in fact, the most I had in years… fought alot, was confronted too many times but also confronted my problems finally. Phew… it really was a trying year.

For studies, I made the same mistakes again. >_< Yah, need to heed that inner wisdom. Shall do that for coming year.

I shall end here with another personal quote, "I already know what needs to be done. I just need to go DO IT!" yea…

I love Myself,
The Cub riding on her rollercoaster

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Just received a call from Mei- POS’s postponed to March 31st - April 2nd. Boohoo…….. i was so looking forward to it. argh…. really really really disappointed lor.  What’s more, it’s scheduled in Week 9, just after our term break. Not sure what will happen then. =( 
Alright, must get it out of my space soon. Still disappointed lor… $%$#@^$#….. =(
Must get it out of my space. =(
Shoo, Get out of my space.
Get out of my space.
GOT OUT OF MY SPACE. =)

Like what Alwyn said, "It’s all in due time, dun worry."

mwhahaha… okay… here’s my 3rd blog of the day =P dun box me! It’s your own choice that you din switch off the friendster email alert, so dun blame me for spamming. heh~

Hmm… let’s see what I can blog to ward off the somniferous drone of mobile application class. Okay lah, the lesson really isn’t that bad- the inclass practices are! Yah… I noe what you ‘re gonna say… arh…. shh… if ya have nothing better to say, den dun say! =P

Alright, lemme share my top 5 tips of saving money. I’m not suggesting you try them for yourself. I just say they work for me.

Best Savings TIPS

1. Save on your meals
Have sandwiches for all 3 meals for a week, just for a change. Go carrefour and buy the 500g (super long type) value-for-money white bread at $0.95. In case you wanta compare prices- Gardenia’s 500g white bread is at $1.95, NTUC’s is around $1.50. So it’s wiser to buy the cheapest one if you’re tightening the belt. That should last you for almost a week. Den shop around for budget ham, and value-for-money cheese. C’mon lah, ham are ham and cheese are cheese, it really doesn’t make much a difference. You can get the cheapest ham around $2.50 per pack, instead of UP of $3.50. *With courtesy from daizhong…* >_<

For a balanced meal, buy soya bean milk instead of milk. Really lor, $1.60 vs $2.30… It really doesn’t make a difference if you drink soya bean milk or milk. Buy 2 tomato… slice them thinly and they can last you for the entire week. Remember to refrigerate the tomato, erm… ham and cheese, and the soya bean milk too.

Wake up early for a change, and head down to MacDonald and request for some jam and margarine. MacDonald are littered everywhere, so you might wanta switch to the next few branches to make your intention less obvious. Well, some things are free afterall. You just need to ask.

So if you’re sick of bread, have instant noodles on the 3rd day, for dinner. Yah… if you calculate, each day you spend around $4 or less for your meals. Cool huh? hahaha…

2. Be proud of being a woman
I always run the conversation that if I’m on a date with a guy, I should go dutch, unless he’s earning for his own keep. WHY? ‘Cos our allowances are from our parents; there seems to be no valid reason why he should pay for my share. But occasionally, it’s good to remind myself that I should be proud being a woman, and let the man pay. hehehe… I found myself reminding myself this more often. =D

You dun hafta buy everything you like. If you really like smt badly, try suggesting to your close frens what they can get for your b’day. It’ll really save them alot of trouble, and you get smt you like, instead of being surprised by smt you dun like.

3. Stay at home and spend more time with family
If you never hang out, you’ll definitely spend lesser. Make sense? Besides… there’re so much incentives to bum at home- catching up the beauty slp, reading novels, watching tv, communicate with your family, clearing clutters… blah blah blah…

Need to spend quality time with friends? Chat with them over the phone lor… dun have to keep meeting wad, right?

4. Be a Deal-prone customer
If you really enjoy reading, like me, this one’s for you. Did you know that every year, MPH and Times will have a warehouse sale, and you can get really gd books at 3 for $10? Yes… and they’re 1st hand too. During last summer holidays, I spend $60 on 15 new books- U.P. $18 each. So you can imagine how much I save.

Wanta read a new book? Go to different bookstores and read that book. You’ll finish the book in a week, for free.

As for magazines, there’re so many of them- Cleo, Seventeen, Female, Fundsupermart, Smart Investors, PC World… take your pick… you can browse freely at Kinokuniya and Borders… You might wanta rest once in a while and not make your visits so predicted though.

For others who love shopping, like me, this one’s for you. Giordano, Baleno, Samuel and Kevin, Ebase, Hang Ten, U2, G2000 and others……. got clearance sales. Watch out for these and only buy them during their Mega sales. You can get Samuel n Kevin’s tops for $6 for a U.P. of $20… as for G2000, i bought a blazer for $29 when the U.P. is $89. Really lor… no one can tell if you bought your top for $89 or $29, so you might as well wait for the sale right? hehe…

5. Choose your activities wisely
If you need to spend time bonding with your friends, you might wanta consider sports that incur lesser expenditure, like bball, jogging, swimming and ping pong, instead of bowling, pool, wind surfing, cycling (at east coast park), kayaking etc.

Instead of clubbing, you can consider playing cards at the void deck. It’s really a more conducive way bonding with your frens- at least you dun hafta shout in their ears. Okay, if you think playing cards is too "low class", den go for monopoly (learn abt investments) or scrabble (more intellectual stimulating). =P

Yea, I’ve come to the end of my best tips for savings… Cool huh? hehe…That explains the mystery of how I’ve got money to spend on golf lessons, coaching courses, spa, salons…. with my pathetic pocket money.

The key to your success is- Dun make it so freaking obvious!!! hahaha… I’ve got more though… but that’s for me to know… hehehe…

Merry X’mas!
Oneheart

Like what I’ve said, I’m gonna blog alot today. Sorry for my prolixity. =P

Wednesday

I spent time with HE Who Created my Present. Opened my world a little- FINALLY. >_< It wasn’t an easy step for me, and when I finally did, I realized it wasn’t that difficult. I just needed to let go of my pride. I tried to express love, but I think it was very awkward for him, and he pretended not to hear. Hahaha… Now I can finally understand why Kelvin’s and Mei’s mum ran away from their hugs. ‘Cos… we’re all so used to our comfort zone, it’s hard to accomodate smt. new. =) I’ll try harder next time and LOVE more.

Finally i got my butt moving and do my calls… It’s really amazing to see how my efforts get paid off each time I’ve decided to ACT, instead of THINK. I’ve got another lobang… hehehe… this time round, I’m going to take it, if everything goes well. *INTENTION to MAKE IT HAPPEN!*

Had a great conversation last night. Though it’s still kinda neither here nor there, though the noises in my head are still there, and though I still dunno how I will deal with it… But at least I’m more happier now than few days back. Maybe b’cos I was really being myself and said whatever I needed to say… Maybe b’cos I din try to let my intellect do all the talking… Maybe it’s the way I LOVE MYSELF More… so COURAGE is WITH ME. mwhahaha…. Whichever road I take… I will LOVE MYSELF enough to walk down that PATH. So cool…

Really… Happiness is a CHOICE. I’ve always known that. But I just decided to ACT on it and CHOOSE to BE HAPPY. hehehe……. really……. COME WHAT MAY!

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PS: Wa lau, I’m so paiseh… I’m so embarrassed…… so paiseh… so embarrassed… >_< how how??? OMG!!! how how how??? How Cum??? Wa lau… argh… how to get it out of my space??? coaz…… can I bury myself in a hole? I think I will go slp lah… maybe It might help….. zzzzzz

Yesterday I skipped my mobile application course and bum at home, and was really upset when I couldn’t access my blog for the whole day- I dunno what happened!!! Anyway, to make up for it, I’ll write a longer one today. Hehehe… =P

Tuesday

Was very touched when my SE gang (SE = Software engineering) celebrated my b’day for me. I totally din expect it. I tot it was just a gathering… So was pretty touched when they bought a cake for me. We went KBox after dinner, and it was so much FUN!!! Reflecting back on the entire semester, made me treasure them even more. And I wanta ACKNOWLEDGE THEM!

To Alwyn- My pair programming partner, THANK YOU for tolerating my conversation of "I’ve got no time". THANK YOU for putting up with my serious lack of programming skills and covering up for me. You’re a real darling! *hugz* What will I be without your help? And THANKS for guiding me along the way. THANKS for letting me into your world and share with me both your CHILD of DARK and CHILD of LIGHT. Really… you’re just an inch away from the TRUTH. C’mon, when are you ever gonna make that powerful choice! argh… alright alright… like what you’ve said, "it’s all in due time, dun worry".

To Eunice- our SE coach, THANKS for being my constant "trigger". You made me GROW alot. =P THANKS for opening up your world to me, and allow me to understand YOU better. Cool… I look forward to bringing our Friendship to a Higher Level. And yea… You’re really good in IT- I take my hat off you. THANKS for contributing the most in the project.

To Moses- my biz partner, and friend: your attitude towards your project and Networking was my silent motivation to GROW faster, so that I can start championing your GROWTH as well. THANK YOU for all that. I’m still waiting for you to receive what I intended you to GET. Once You’re done with that- Let’s ROCK AND ROLL… and get our Biz plan MOVING! Move, move, move… we need to get our ass moving!

To Joanne- someone I can depend on when the deadlines are near (heh!)… really, you dun hafta do documentation one lor… I wanta do it alone to contribute back to the team. But THANKS for being with me… I totally appreciate that.

To Fang Fang- THANKS for being the reminder of my commitment to myself. =)

To ALL: THANKS for celebrating my b’day!!! Heh~

Some tell tales sign that blogging is erm, not so safe:

1. When you just found out that the person you’re bitching about is reading your blog, beside you during one of the meetings, and you go… "darn!"

2. When you bumped into your a hi-bye fren on the street and the 1st thing he/she does is, "who’s that person you’re referring to?" And you go… "erm…"

3. When more than one hi-bye fren said, "hey, I’ve read your blog", and you dunno how to react to that except, "erm, okay".

4. And the ultimate of them all- When your IT-challenged mum suddenly turns to you and said, "I heard that you’ve got a website or smt……." , and you go… "orh oh, how is that possible!"

That’s when you decide, it’s time either to:

1. Take a drastic measure and stop blogging for good. But risk suffering from an emotional imbalance b’cos you can’t bitch, moan and whine. And what’s worse- your frens are out partying ‘cos it’s lady’s night. You might just die of emotional constipation.

2. Change to another blogging site. But you have to suffer the inconvenience of informing your loyal fans. Hmph… actually you are so lazy that you think it’s most convenient to just post the new URL on your friendster blog or profile. And then you realize- it actually doesn’t really make much of a difference lor.

3. You decide that only those worthy of reading e entry will be able to read it by using cryptogram- something like this; TMD GNN SSO WTF IPS 78 89 for swearing, and THEY Who Created my Present for names. But it takes a longer time to blog ‘cos you need to pump your creative juices harder and more as you create new titles for SHE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED.

4. However, you got so tired weighing the pros and cons and you go, "Heck lah." Then you practise the theory of cognitive dissonance and start justifying- You should be sociable and let more ppl. into your world. And finally, you decided that blogging is actually qte fun and is not as dangerous as you make out to be.

Listen to your heart. Just Listen to it. And speak to it.   – What I’ve gotten out of the book, "The Alchemist"…

STUDIES

Voice 1: Why must IS be so complicated? Why must it be so difficult, boring and dry to comprehend? argh…

Voice 2: So that those who have the responsibility for understanding can understand. Imagine if everyone went around taking IS, the profession will lose its value. You will doubt your determination to take it in the 1st place.

Voice 1: huh?!? hmm… erm…. okay…
            Who are you? And why are you here?

Voice 2: I’ve always been around. Just that you have always been too distracted with the other noises that you can’t hear me. As for who I am… I’m sure you know the answer already. *winks*
My qns is, "What is your commitment to your studies?"

Voice 1: Ahhhhhh…….. okok… i know, i know…..

Voice 2: There’s no point running away from me. You can run, but you can never hide. You can try ignoring me. But you’ll soon realize I’m here to achieve your Greater Self.

Voice 1: Coaz……

Voice 2: I’m waiting…

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LOVE

Whether it’s HE Who Brings out my Best, HE Who Completes me, SHE who Mirrors me, or THEY who Created my Present… I have long gotten used to being numbed.
It does not want to risk coming out alive only for me to give it up again and go back to being numbed.
It wants to know that I’m truly sincere in allowing myself to FULLY LIVE and FULLY LOVE.
And I really think it’s not wrong to feel/think that way, b’cos I dunno if I have the courage and strength to let go of my comfort zone.
I just know that that’s not what I really want.
Mei asked me whether I’m willing to let it blossom in POS (another program that I will take in jan).

I said that a part of me wants it really badly. Another part of me does not welcome any drastic change.

Then I asked myself again, "What is it that I really want?"

What is it that I really want?!?

What is it that I really really WANT?!?