I’ve been procrastinating this idea for so long…
I finally decided to create a new blog as an act of courage of myself, ‘cos i like my existing blog and it’s in my comfort zone, just that i was constantly bugged by my occasional guilt that I might spam others through friendster email updates each time i update my blog.
Anyway, here’s my new blog address-
www.theworldofattraction.blogspot.com
Signing off,
The lovely cub
Feels like a long time since i last blogged.
And I’m getting lazier when it comes to updating about my life. Perhaps i shouldn’t say lazy. It’s more of a my-life-is-happening-too-fast-for-me-to-sit-down-and-blog.
Anyway, here’s a quick run-through of what has been happening to me since the start of my summer holidays. Yes, SMU called its 4-mths vacation as summer holidays.
I’m serving my internship currently at NCS Hub. I started work since April 23rd. Please dun ask me what acronyms NCS stands for. I’m only aware that NCS is the top IT solutions provider in Singapore, with IBM as 2nd, during my 1st day of work. I work in this dept called, Strategic Planning and Research, and it is as cool as the name sounds. My colleagues are nice ppl., but workload can get crazy.
Ok, i’ll just give a quick one-line summary of the individual events that happened since end april:
1) I ran around Singapore like crazy to recce possible venues for upcoming programs for ECI.
2) I did whatever I can within my power to enrol 17participants for a program called, Basic Leadership Program, which was the target set for me.
3) I attended the Basic Leadership Program together with 16 other individuals, and for 3days and nights, it was a psychological, mental, physical warfare for me and the rest.
4) I enrolled myself into a 9mths intensive leadership training, together with 16 other comrades, and we called ourselves, " 17 ", in remembrance of the movie, "300". =P
5) I was down with a 40.2 degrees fever and my NCS colleague forced me to see doctor and take MC.
6) Last friday, my group organized a preview to the program, The Courage to Create, and we get to manage a huge turnout of 48guests.
7) There is another preview to the program, The Courage to Create (TCC), coming tues evening, and I am the Preview Manager for this preview. If you’re interested to come to the preview, please lemme noe. =)
I spent quality time with my family over the weekend.
9) I’m re-taking TCC next weekend because my brother and close fren are taking it, so I’ll be taking it with them. Cool!
10) I am sad ‘cos I haven’t spare time to catch up with my close frens. There’re thousands and one things I want to do now, and watching spiderman3 is one of them. (;_;)
11) I dreamt of 4ghosts for the 1st time in my life, and for a reason. >_<
12) I’m very proud ‘cos my mum bought me a super nice vespa tee-shirt from bangkok. Very very nice. I’m in love with it.
That’s all for now! =)
As i was sitting at the tanamera condo’s balcony, i felt extremely "OFF". Felt that my world was drifting apart from me, or rather, i was so caught up with whatever i was doing that i was drifting apart from my world.
I also notice how noisy my mind was. It was as noisy as the cars on the streets and the passing trains.
And I became both aware and conscious that i’ve been feeling very jaded for the past few weeks, or what felt like months to me. True, I may be moving forward. True, i may be creating results. True, i may be involved in many activities. But I felt like i’ve been busy with my busy-ness.
I felt extremely jaded and unhappy, and for days, I was stuck with my stuckness. Things began to break down. The aircon broke down. The clock broke down too. The appointments i fixed got cancelled. I lost the leads i got. I went to recce venues for the upcoming programs but the venues were either not suitable or booked by others. Things were just not going my way.
I sat down and asked my heart, "Where is JOY? Why am I feeling so down and depressed? Have I lost my consciousness or smt.? What can I do now? What should I do next?"
My heart said, "It’s not that JOY has left you. It’s just that your mind is too busy with all the problems to hear and sense her presence."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
I fix the aircon, fix the clock, mop the floors, get things handled, and all these while, humming the Doremon tune to myself and dance around the rooms.
And I notice something different about the office today.
I just filled the room with JOY.
Hehehe! =P
Ohhmmm….
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My Source of Inspiration
Gao(1) shan(1) ya(1) bu(4) dao(3) da(4) di(4)
Kun(4) nan(2) ya(1) bu(4) dao(3) hao(3) han(4)
Feng(1) yu(3) nan(2) bu(4) dao(3) yi(4) xin(1)
Direct translation:
Tall mountains cannot crush the big earth
Problems cannot crush tough men
Storms cannot defeat yixin.
NICE!
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Help Needed
I need help. I’m looking for chalets urgently for coming May. I need a bungalow kinda chalet/resorts. Alternatively, campsite would work for me too. So long as it’s enough to house 20 ppl.
If you got any recommendations, please lemme noe k?
I’ll greatly appreciate your help. =)
Lies
How to distinguish between a truth and a lie?
A lie can come in 3 main forms- Persistence, Denial and Alternate-isness.
Allow me to share with you some examples to get a clearer picture:
1) Persistence
If I want to convince you that a bottle of mineral water is actually the holy water from Klulabaha Holy Land, I have to tell you a long long story and throw in alot of facts and fluff so that you can be hoodwinked into thinking that, it’s actually holy water. In contrast, it will be effortless for me to just tell you straight that it’s just a bottle of mineral water.
Similarly, when your supervisor ask you for your project progress, "Have you completed your task?", you can either tell the truth, "Nope, I haven’t completed it.", or you can come up with a kuku excuse like, "Oh, it’s progressing well. I’ve spoken to my team mates and we’re meeting tonight to work OT to fine tune the entire process."
Do you get the difference? Next…
2) Denial
When you know you are fat and need to lose weight, some parts of you might deny the truth strongly ‘cos you’re darn too lazy to exercise. So you deny that you are fat. In fact, you might begin to think that this whole topic about weight is a subjective matter. What is fat to you may be slim to others. Anyway, it’s not that you dun want to hit the gym. The gym closes on public holiday and today’s a public hol.
That’s a denial.
3) Alternate-isness
You really want a million dollars. Deep down inside, you’ve always wanted that sum of money b’cos you always envy those whom are capable enough to earn that sum of money. You decided to embark on a business venture. Somehow along the way, the journey gets really tough. At this juncture, you might form alternate philosophy around the topic and you go, "you know what? today it just dawn to me that it’s so pointless to work so hard. Why work so hard anyway? We’re all gonna die. Life is short. The most important thing is to enjoy life. Money is still secondary. Nah, I dun really need that sum of money."
There you go! You created a whole new story behind your lie.
So what’s the TRUTH then?
It is the truth when there’s nothing left to defend.
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Path
There are many paths.
The heart knows which one it desires to walk.
The head is undecided.
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Fun
I got bored being SERIOUS.
Let’s be FUN!
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Mugging
3 more exams to go!
And 1 more term paper to submit!
Sigh…
Shut up and DO YOUR WORK!
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The Truth
I want to study hard and focus in ace-ing my term paper and final exams.
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This is what you are supposed to cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game. Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.
1) I dun act, think, walk, behave, and talk like my age. That is weird enough.
2) Actually i’m very childish and a total coward (especially when there’re cockroaches around), but i always tried my best to cover up. Sometimes i do such a great job at covering up that it becomes who i am. Heh =P
3) Every time I passed by a dead cockroach, I’ll cough 3 times. Someone in my primary sch days told me if i dun do that, the spirit of the cockroach will cling onto me. Nowadays, I coughed out of habit than pure superstition.
4) When I eat teochew porridge, i like my porridge white and free from any gravy. Any kind attempt of putting the vegetables onto my porridge will not be appreciated. Now you know.
5) Peiyi said I’m weird b’cos I had a bad habit of playing with her swimming costume zipper. Actually, i was just amusing myself watching her cringe whenever i play with her zipper. Alright, i’m sadistic. Hoho!
6) Alex commented that i had a weird laughter. Fine. >_<
Tagged by: Er mei
People whom are tagged:
Emma, (somehow i can’t imagine you doing this but i shall prove myself wrong for once)
Rosli,
Xian Jian (i noe you done this b4 but still tag u nonetheless),
Sarah (i know you’re bored. Here’s smt. for you to kill your boredom. Haha!),
Joan (how can I not tag you?)
Jiahui
Post Presentation
Just had my Architecture Analysis presentation on the Beijing Olympic systems.
Can’t express how relief I felt after the presentation.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh………..
2 more presentations and 3 reports due this week…..
After all these deadlines, I’m gonna devote an entire day at home doing mindless activities like sleeping, slacking, watching dvds, tasting my food and listening to the rhythm of my breathing, and totally indulge in the meaninglessness of these meaningless activities.
All in due time. Akan Datang!!!
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Exams De-stress Bag
I just collected my free Exams de-stress goodie bag given away by SMU peer helpers.
For those whom know me well, the best way to bribe my heart is through freebies. Hohoho… FREE GOODIE BAG!
Anyway, here’s what my FREE GOODIE BAG contain:
1) 3 packets of tidbits (2 cheese balls type and 1 cheese rings type)
2) 1 chupa chups lollipop (pineapple yogurt flavour… hmm… nv tried it b4)
3) 1 pen
4) 1 note pad (quite a nice design actually)
5) 1 orange (which I’m eating now whilst i’m blogging at the library)
After my presentation, I was so tired that I absent-mindedly peeled my orange and eat in front of those stunned faces. Oops… totally forgot i wasn’t supposed to eat in the library. Aiyah… too stressed liao =P
6) 1 packet of 3-in-1 coffee
Not too bad at all.
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Movie Reviews
Despite the countless deadlines to meet, I actually managed to find time to catch 2 movies this week. Heh =P
Here are the reviews:
300
Yes, I caught 300 again. And this time round, there isn’t much lag time and I can properly laugh at the jokes. In fact, I laughed first before the scene came. Hahaha…
There’s nothing to rate about this movie. It’s still my current fave, except probably after Don Juan DeMarco.
Watch it guys.
The History Boys
Seeing how the boys mugged for their A’levels reminded me of mine, especially when I took history too. This is a movie highly recommended for individuals whom enjoy an occasional intellectual masturbation, oops, i mean intellectual stimulation. Also for guys whom are gays in the closet as the movie depicted the repressed individuals having an inner struggle between expectations of social norm and expressing their desires.
Hector, one of the teachers whom were in charge of the students, said this,
"There’s nothing to learn about general knowledge. Nor is there anything to learn about knowledge itself. You’ll realize that knowledge is nothing more than just the regurgitation of pure facts."
(erm, he said something along that line yah? Or at least that’s what I thought he said.)
I like this quote very much. Can relate to it. =)
Hector is one witty guy whom’s passionate and dedicated about equipping the students with a well-rounded education, instead of studying for the sake of getting into Oxford/Cambridge. Unfortunately, he couldn’t resist the cute boys in his class and got into trouble.
Irwin is another teacher in the movie, but teaches mainly history. His teaching style clashes with Hector, but nontheless, a brilliant history teacher that reminds me of mine. Despite the standards of the students, Irwin would tossed their essays back at them and reminded them that all the other students fighting for a seat in Oxford and Cambridge would be writing the same stuffs as well. So half of the movie, one can see how these brilliant kids mugged like crazy and tossing poems and quotes out of what they learnt from Hector to compliment their history essays. And I enjoyed those intellectual debates and arguments exchanged among the students.
One word to describe this movie:
NEAT.
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The Formula
Do it ONCE,
Do it RIGHT,
Do it FAST.
And take your breaks.
Remember the last one, oneheart. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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What I realized this week after meeting up with a friend:
I always thought I’m the one whom put in the most effort; always listening patiently to her problems and giving her good advices now and then. I adopted different ways of putting the same old message across so that she can see how she has been running her endless cycle / pattern of conversations that created all her problems.
What I didn’t realize is that she too, have put in alot of effort in the friendship.
As one whom has never done TCC nor POS, she listens patiently to all my breakthroughs. Even though she can never experience the joy I have had nor comprehend fully what I so enthusiatically share, she always try her best to catch up and view things from my world view.
She is happy for my growth and breakthroughs, but misses the days when both of us bitched about our problems, and laughed at our own silly-ness. She acknowledged how much I’ve grown, accepted the new me, but a part of her resented the new me too.
What I really wanted to say to her was:
It’s not that I don’t bitch nowadays. It’s not that I lost my innocence. It’s that I’m waiting for her to grow up so we can start bitching about other stuffs other than those same old problems. And I really wanted to tell her how much I love her, and that she matters to me alot. And she’ll always be my best friend no matter what.
To all my other friends, thank you for accepting me for who I am, including who i will become.
What I would like to say more often to you is:
I love you.
Who I Am
I am COURAGE,
because I acknowledge my fears and weaknesses.
I am LIGHT,
because Darkness is one of my best advisors.
I am SIGNIFICANT,
because I am at ease with my insignificance.
I am INSPIRATION,
because SELF-DOUBT watches my back and makes sure I stay vigilant.
I am WISDOM,
because IGNORANCE taught me not to be like her.
I am JOY,
because DEPRESSION showed me what my limit is.
I am HOPE,
because I made a bet with NO HOPE.
I am LOVE,
because I like to show HATRED that she can perceive situations differently.
I know WHO I AM.
WHO ARE YOU?
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300
I just caught 300 with Simon last night. Oh gosh! The movie is freaking good!
ALL ECI grads should go watch the movie. I strongly encourage you to. It’s a conscious movie. It’s about 300 spartans (warriors) fighting against the enormous Persian troops. Kinda reminds me of white dogs fighting against black dogs.
Even if you dun watch it as a conscious movie, there’s so much you can enjoy out of the show.
If you’re a gal, you can have a feast watching the 300 warriors with 6 abs and toned thighs. Gosh! Super distracting! I love the Queen. She’s a great woman to emulate.
If you’re a male, the sleek and graceful moves from the spartans (warriors) will wow you over. Each move a spartan take is strategized and calculated, with precision, speed and max. force at the opponents’ weak spots. Woooooooooo….
Quotes from the movie: "Live a spartan life." (walk the highest path, as I would otherwise coined)
"What would a free man do?"
E’nuff said. Go watch the movie.
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Deep Processing
Interesting how I managed to resolve a responsibility issue by giving myself a physical koan and solving it.
Freaking cool.
I’ll always remember this koan.
Sweet.
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A BIG Challenge
In january, i posted a blog entry claiming how bored I am and requesting for something BIGGER to play with. (Read the jan entry on Game of life)
I got something really BIG on my plate now.
Gosh! >_<
Here’s when my koan shall remind me how to juggle the responsibilities simultaneously without dropping any, and how to prevent me from feeling burnt out.
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Course Supervisor (CS) Experience
I saw myself grew over the weekend as the CS for TCC.
The little cub evolved to a jaguar.
But nothing as spectacular as the moment when water (flow n gracefulness) and jaguar (power, control n precision) are aligned as ONE.
Only I know what that means.
Other than that, assisting was so much fun. Which is not much of a surprise, what with a bunch of cute assistants supporting me all the way.
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Coach
I am finally acknowledged as a coach and leader by him, after 2 long years of hard work.
Din realize it means so much to me that i broke down.
I love you, and will continue to walk this path of inspiration with you.
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Social life
Old friends called to catch up recently. Felt my heart sinking when i realized how i’ve been neglecting my social life.
But somehow a part of me just want to avoid dealing with my social life.
Feel that i need to grow faster and stronger so i can champion my friends’ and family’s growth.
I am not ready yet.
Well, there’s a time for everything. Let me handle my life 1st.
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Studies
Sigh…
and it goes…
CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER CLIMB HILLS CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER CLIMB HILLS CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER CLIMB HILLS CHOP WOOD CARRY WATER CLIMB HILLS
I’m really physically drained, with the deadlines looming all within this period.
Shan’t waste my energy bitching moaning and whining about it, like i used to.
Intention- I AM "IMPECCABLE".
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The Path
I found out what’s my calling back in February.
This week, I finally found out what I want to do once I graduate one year from now.
Can’t believe it took me so long to realize that.
Then again, maybe I’ve always known I’m meant for the work, just that i need assurance and courage to pursue this path as my life-long career.
I can see who I am 5 and 10 years from now. Or maybe even 20 years from now.
It takes a hellavu courage to be committed to walking the Highest path every single day of your life.
Gosh… This is so freaking scary.
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I’m the Course Supervisor for this weekend’s TCC, for the 1st time.
Structure’s up. Team’s aligned.
Let’s dance with the flow and flow with the dance.
Jia you!!!
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Relationship
Sometimes things are not what they seemed to be, my dear friend.
Dun worry about the other party, just focus on your own evolution and grow stronger.
Especially those areas which you’ve been triggered by. What lessons can you learn about them? What can you accept more about yourself? How can you love yourself more?
When time is ripe, things will begin to make sense.
There’s a time for everything, including receiving and giving love, as well as clearing with each other.
*hug*
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Making a difference
My close friend’s taking TCC in May.
Whoo hoo!!!
Thanks dear for allowing me to make a difference.
Hohoho… *chuckles* *rubbing hands in glee*
You wait! Hehehe =P
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Cause and Effect
The cause and effect works in the most subtle of ways. More often than not, it takes place without the individual’s awareness and consciousness.
Whatever’s the case, even if the outcome of a situation turns out to be bad, you still have to bear full responsibilty for it, albeit it is not your fault.
Which brings me to this full comprehension and understanding of the cause and effect of this statement, "Never shit at your own backyard."
I will remember that. >_<
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Grace
Saw gracefulness recently. Suddenly overwhelmed by her presence and enveloped in her care.
A new-found vulnerability and softness I experienced that I can’t comprehend on the intellectual level. And have no idea how to deal with this grace or use it effectively as a tool or be totally strong in the presence of my softness.
Really can’t wait to evolve out of this transition period.
I’m so not used to not being familiar with who i am.
Hmm…
